I have this extreme fascination with seeing how people see me. What I look like in their mind. I don't believe I'm narcissistic.

Overview
Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which there is an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.

Symptoms
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:

Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
Has feelings of self-importance
Exaggerates achievements and talents
Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
Requires constant attention and admiration
Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
Has obsessive self-interest
Pursues mainly selfish goals

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Most of these describe nothing like me but a couple... deep down, I think sound like me. I do not like myself, but i've always wanted to know how other people view me. What do I look like to them? Cause your mental perception of a person can change how you see them. So whats mine?

I love avi art and I do have an avitar that I have made and taken. Eventually I will get up the guts to build somthing that is ME and by my own personal hand. I don't know when that will be or anything up to it.

I think it will be when I start getting serious at getting better at my artwork. When I get in my "modes" of art I draw like mad; problem is they come once every couple years. I drew endlessly when I was a kid and I believe that my imagination isn't so open. At first I thought that I had just lost it but then I realized that it just transphered to the place of the dark and morbid.

I can't really draw "happy things" I can look at somthing and go all crazy on it and try and make it happy but it ends up either being awkward (for others not me) dark, or just down right grose( once again for others not myself, I see it as beautiful). What does all this have to do with the whole Narcissistic thing/ aviart thing?

I want people to draw me. I've asked people before and the draw the avi on my conditions. They don't understand I want them to draw them how they see it in their head. I want the same to be done with myself.

So, If anyone just so happens to read this and needs an art subject. -raises hand- I am here to help. I believe I give fare critiques also. I've never had anyone complain about one of my critiques (which just sounds funny all by itself). So yes. Help Us (You and Me).

Sincerely,

Beastvamp.